Things Not to Say on a Date

Last night I had the privilege and delight to go on a date with someone who had the audacity and ignorance to state to my face that he was pro-segregation. 

Photo Courtesy of The Washington Post

Let me set the scene. 

We had met online and been speaking for a while. Long enough for me to get a sense of him as a person. We were meeting for the first time since he wanted to treat me for my birthday. The plan was to see “Selma” at the Brooklyn Bridge Park. He is from the diaspora aka Black. A Netflix preview came on and seemingly out of nowhere he says, “I’m actually kind of pro-segregation.” Then he turned, saw my face, and immediately started trying to explain himself. 

My immediate response was, "You can leave," which I repeated more than once. He laughed because thought I was kidding. I almost left myself. But I decided, on some small effort towards being “open-minded” to hear him out. He said he’d thought about it, run it through the measures in his mind. He used Chinatown as an example of sequestering communities off by race, saying it was a success. But that was the only example he could come up with. Once I regained some of my composure I said, “But what about the racism that that will promote and incite?” He responds: “Oh, but without the racism.” 

Photo Courtesy of Bunk History

OH! WITHOUT THE RACISM. Because that’s immediately removable. Like an ingredient you don’t like in your cake so you leave it out. As if you're at Burger King and trying to decide whether you want the Impossible Burger meal and deciding you'll just have the burger, without the fries and a drink. How could I not have realized, segregation WITHOUT the racism. Because separating people based on the color of their skin or ethnic identity does not breed hatred or extremist views at all. Of course. 

Photo Courtesy of The History Channel

He further expanded saying communities would be better if they were left to serve themselves. Throughout the rest of the conversation I peppered him with questions on the logistics of his idea. "What about the area? Where is each community going to be?" "Who determines this?" "What happens if one of the communities fails?" "Who is going to save them?" "Are they even going to be saved?"  

Each question except for the last received a timid, “Ah, that. Well....” before trailing off into nothing. I had to purposefully stop tearing the plan apart in my mind, there's just so much about it that makes no sense. With all of the mayhem taking place in this country currently, the rampant racism spread through your friendly Fox News channel, and the almost scheduled racist attacks by homegrown terrorists working to "cleanse the nation," you think this, segregating the people of this country according to race makes any sort of sense? Not to mention the fact that last time segregation didn't go so well for us, or any other ethnic minority, keeping all of us largely on the losing end of every deal for decades and ramifications reaching down through generations. 

To say this comment was ignorant is an understatement. 

The only question that did receive a response was "who is going to save them?" His answer? "The government." That only unleashed a larger torrent in my mind. Which government pray-tell?? Assuming each community has it's own leadership structure, who is putting forth people to represent their community in a larger government arena. Is that even how your plan works? Is there a larger governing body? I wasn’t aware separate communities would all be included to unite under one government. And what and who would this government consist of? How will it be formulated? On what premises? Who are they, this government you speak of, answerable to? 

This plan makes no sense. It's barely more than a statement.

Photo Courtesy of Smithsonian.com 

Also, how are you pro-segregation?? It’s not like you’re saying you’re pro-life. That’s not how that works. I don’t even think that’s a “thing.” And even if it is, it’s ignorant, ridiculous, and nonsensical. It also requires so many caveats it’s not even worth thinking about for long stretches of time. Not to mention, what about all the mixed race folks? Where are they going to go? Are you going to sponsor 23andMe tests for everyone then move them according whichever percentage is highest?

He floundered so much after that, I finally just stopped altogether and an awkward silence prevailed. The moral of the story is, I wouldn't always make time for such an ill-informed comment, but yesterday? Oh, I had time. If you're going to make such an argument, the least you can do is have substantial reasoning behind it. Otherwise, don't bother. This morning as I listened to "Can't Wait" by Jilly from Philly, she said, "Just the other day, I had to reprimand a grown-up," and I felt that.

xx